What students are told to watch out for online: sexual predators. What they should actually be watching out for online: basically everything else. Contemporary American education relies heavily on the notion of "technology is everywhere and kids are clever, so we don't need to teach them about technology!" To certain extents, this is true. But like any user, the average American kid is actually pretty clueless. This talk will discuss what isn't being in taught in classrooms, what is actively being incorrectly taught, and what you can do about it. Come because you fear what the next generation of users will do to your blood pressure and subsequent health insurance premiums, stay for the snark and weird slides.