Online antics used to be all about the lulz; now they're all about the pervasive surveillance. Whether you're the director of a TLA just trying to make a booty call or an internet entrepreneur struggling to make your marketplace transactions as smooth as silk, getting up to any kind of mischief involving electronic communications now increasingly means going up against a nation-state adversary. And if even the people who most should know better keep fucking it up, what does that mean for the rest of us? What do the revelations about massive government eavesdropping and data ingestion mean for people who feel they have a right if not a duty to occasionally be disobedient? It's time for a rant. Analyzing what is currently known or speculated about the state of online spying through the prism of some spectacular fuckups, this talk offers an amusing introduction to how you can maximize your chances of enduring your freedom while not fucking it up. Learn how not to fuck up covering your tracks on the internet, using burner phones, collaborating with other dissidents and more. If you have anything to hide, and all of us do, pay attention and Don't. Fuck. It. Up!